I agree - this can be a long drawn out process.

eBay has a live chat option. I tried it once and the data base was down, but I think you should pursue having a live person involved on eBay's end. They have seller protection. They should know what is going on as well as PayPal - I know eBay doesn't get notified if PayPal takes back money because when I issue a refund on PayPal, they give back fees, but eBay doesnt.
If PayPal is withholding your payment it is probably not a spoof. Stay on top of it - when I had a credit card charge disputed by a customer, it took months to resolve the fact that she had returned the merchandise and my company had already given her a refund check. She finally dropped the dispute, but I had to pay fees to my credit card company anyway. Not exactly the same, but a warning that you really need to pursue this.